Earlier Conversations

Oh God. I hope that You are not an impersonal force.

- I'm not... -

You say, and You speak with such gentleness.

You are so patient. I feel You laugh... and You are soothing. I was thinking how I "hear" You in this wonderful wind out here. Then I started to think of Your largeness, and became afraid...

I cannot believe how wildly the oaks sway!

-See the tensile strength I have built into them? -

At first I thought, well, why write it down? It just seemed conversational, and would it even be of any interest later? Oh! You mean more than the trees, don't You?

You mean us. Me, my beleaguered friend, my family: whoever I'm fussed about.

-You will bend but you will not break.
The storms of life will come
for they must,
but you will not break.
I have said it. -

I don't want to make "stuff" up.

-You won't. -

but You sound so soft. How can it be louder?

-Live close to Me.-

please help me. I've been so distracted lately.

... I hear You in the wind!

It's like being taken and swirled around and enveloped by You!

-Just a little...-

This wind. It takes me back. Something about my childhood. The Heights. Virginia - but it is different from the soughing of the pine trees.

I try to go back. I remember loving the winter wind and somehow feeling held by it. But the thought of it without You seems too empty and pointless to bother.

-I was with you then. -

But I didn't know You, then.

-Yes, you did. In your little child's way. -

And I got a flash of myself as a blonde-haired toddler, bending over something, curious.

-I took great delight in you. -

Because of knowing what You had made?

-And what you would become. -

I'm so afraid of making things up.

-It comes easier because you are more relaxed.
Loosen up. I'll take care of you. -

It's funny. These are more of conversations.

-To each is given differently. -

And as I think back, I remember not wanting to go inside because the sound of the wind that day, filled me and enveloped me. At two and a half - maybe almost three, I could not have said what it was I felt, let alone why... but now I suddenly realize that it was You there, in the wind, that held me. I did not know Your name, then, and I don't think I could have even conceived of You with my mind -- but I knew Your touch. Even then I remember feeling like it was someone and that there was more love in that wind than I had ever known; and I felt more at home there than anywhere I had ever been. Even though I was so young that I remember little from that time, I can still feel how my heart felt like it was being torn out when my mother decided we had to go inside. I vaguely recall that she seemed puzzled by my reaction.

As I left the back porch to step over the thresh-hold, I knew a moment's panic that: oh - it would never be there again, not in that way. Then I felt the sides of my head being "held" and I suddenly knew that it would be.

Update on Friday, June 6, 2008 at 07:26PM by [Pat Kashtock]

 Dictionaries and 3-Legged Lambs - Conversation continued

I had to look up "tensile".

1) of, undergoing, or exerting tension; as "tensile strength"

2) capable of being extended or stretched

"tensile strength" = resistance to lengthwise stress, measured by the greatest load in weight per unit area pulling in the direction length that a given substance can bear with out tearing apart.

I was thinking of "personal prophecy" for people, or that given in public as I sit near Tackett's Mill pond before church -- and how the fear of speaking -- and speaking wrongly roils in my stomach.

If You want this from me: please take away the fear. Let there be fear only when it is not of You, but when it is of You -- please put the fear away for me and pour through me with boldness.

– So. You see the difference.—

Thinking of how You spoke to my friend last night, and "being in the Spirit" -- I guess I can't just do this any old time.

-Are you so sure?-

Lord? You don't mean that anytime I would desire a "word", I just have to ask?

-Try Me.-

That sounds too much under my control.

-Is it?-

I don't know... It doesn't matter what state I'm in?

-Like I said: Try Me.-

then I get all bungled up with things like "well, what if I don't really want this at the time and I'm just doing it?"

-Try Me!-

oh. wrong focus.

Lord: I'm scared.

- I know...-

is there anything You would say either to me or to anyone else? help me to listen. help me to hear. I am listening. please speak if You would like.

-So uncertain.-

yes.

Lord? What do I do?

-Just write...-

-If My people who are called by My name will listen, I will be in the midst of them.

I am their Warrior.

And I will conquer their foes.

They are My people and the sheep of My hand:

With tenderness I will lead them to conquer the land.

You think it strange that sheep will conquer?

I say to you: Do not doubt.

Your doubt is a shackle, a chain that keeps you bound.-

(What do I do?)

-Let it go.-

(how?)

-Let Me. Turn your wrists up and let Me unchain you.-

(but practically, Lord? I don't understand. Too mystical. Not practical enough.)

-Keep My "image" before you. Know that I go before you. Know that I am your Master and Savior, your Redeemer and King and I go before you.

I always go before you to prepare your way.

Do you remember the image of the three legged lamb who stood valiantly to save another?

What did that lamb do that was powerful?

Did she become ferocious?

Did she grow great fangs and unlimited strength?

No.

But notice: I said, "What?" and not "Did?"

What she did that was powerful

was to stand close to her Shepherd

and look at Him.

She gazed at Him with love and trust and never took her eyes off of Him.

This was how she fought.

She never took up a weapon,

she did not sharpen her teeth.

In adoration she gazed at the One

who holds all power in His mighty hands.

And I am mighty.

My hands are strong.

I am mighty to save

and I am powerful.

To you I have given My love.

My love is there for you, strong and mighty.

My love knows no depths, for it is beyond the comprehension of depth.

It is "fathomless."

My love knows no bounds

and you must know this.

Know this: That I loved you enough to die --

And I love you enough to live.

You have trouble seeing this in the singular,

but it is.

My love is always singular.-

(I'm unsure...)

-Do you want Me to go on?-

(Yes, but I'm tired. Something new perhaps, so I could know that I'm not just "re-filtering.")

-But you haven't yet incorporated the "old."-

(I know... but a new way of seeing it?

Lord. I am tired.)

-Then let Me strengthen you.-

(please. I feel so physically weak, and it is time to go over to church.)

-I will continue later.-

In church it hit further: the Shepherd became a lamb. I know this has meaning to the above, but I do not see it, yet.

I think one of the things You showed me in the above is that You are far more willing to speak to me than I am to listen, even though I thought it was the other way around.

And the other is one You have said before; that somehow, this type of interchange between us can be tiring for me. Oh -- I wish it wasn't so!

-It won't be someday. And that is a promise.

My promise to you.-